Perhaps it's an excuse, but I wanted to note that I have just purchased a new computer, and am making the switch from PC to Mac. Between maintaining the other two blogs and working on this transition, I have delayed mailing my letters. My excuse is that I have written them on the new Mac, and that's not hooked up to the printer yet. I know, I know.
But I am setting a deadline for myself - today is March 4, I will mail them no later than March 10th.
And actually, only the letter to my grandfather is written. I also want to write a letter to my Aunt, but have no clue what to say.
And the silliest thing. I wanted to include the address to my personal blog, so that they could get to know me a bit, decide how to contact me, etc. And then I realized that they'd probably find this blog. And do I want them to see that? Is that rude of me to even have this here?
This is harder than I thought. It's very easy to come online and say "Hey, I'm gonna do this!" It's much harder to take that step and make contact.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
....So, Now What?
So what have I done in the past week? Nothing, absolutely nothing. And it's time to take that first step, which I believe it to write a letter to my grandpa.
And this is probably a good time to include some more background information. I have, in fact, met my father before. I was 16. My mom knew where my grandparents lived and we contacted them first. They were very excited that I found them, and we met first here in St. Louis. That's when I found out my father lived in Texas, and I met him on a trip to Texas. I remember next to nothing from the meeting, and couldn't tell you two words that were said.
Not long after that, I contacted my father at work, as that was the only information he had given me. I don't remember much about the conversation, but I know I asked him to help me visit my grandparents in California. Realize that he had paid less than one year's child support for me, and I didn't think it was too much to ask him to pay for a flight to California. Apparently it was. All I remember is that he said that he did not want contact with me as long as I my mother was still raising me.
I still went to California that summer, spent a few days with my grandparents, and even met my uncle, his wife and son - my cousin. I have since maintained a sporadic writing relationship with my grandparents, mostly my grandpa. After my son was born in '06, I sent an announcement to my grandparents, and bit later, received a letter from my grandpa that my grandmother had died two years earlier. My aunt was now living at their old house, but I could still contact him at his PO Box.
I was heartbroken - first, that she was gone, never to meet her great-grandson, and second, that no one bothered to tell me. I was that insignicant in any of their lives. So it surprises me just as much as anyone else that I am here today, wanting so desperately to establish a contact with any of them. And maybe that's why I have not taken that first real step and written a letter.
And this is probably a good time to include some more background information. I have, in fact, met my father before. I was 16. My mom knew where my grandparents lived and we contacted them first. They were very excited that I found them, and we met first here in St. Louis. That's when I found out my father lived in Texas, and I met him on a trip to Texas. I remember next to nothing from the meeting, and couldn't tell you two words that were said.
Not long after that, I contacted my father at work, as that was the only information he had given me. I don't remember much about the conversation, but I know I asked him to help me visit my grandparents in California. Realize that he had paid less than one year's child support for me, and I didn't think it was too much to ask him to pay for a flight to California. Apparently it was. All I remember is that he said that he did not want contact with me as long as I my mother was still raising me.
I still went to California that summer, spent a few days with my grandparents, and even met my uncle, his wife and son - my cousin. I have since maintained a sporadic writing relationship with my grandparents, mostly my grandpa. After my son was born in '06, I sent an announcement to my grandparents, and bit later, received a letter from my grandpa that my grandmother had died two years earlier. My aunt was now living at their old house, but I could still contact him at his PO Box.
I was heartbroken - first, that she was gone, never to meet her great-grandson, and second, that no one bothered to tell me. I was that insignicant in any of their lives. So it surprises me just as much as anyone else that I am here today, wanting so desperately to establish a contact with any of them. And maybe that's why I have not taken that first real step and written a letter.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Already some surprises
So what's one of the obvious things to do when you want to find out info on someone? You Google them, of course! And I've Googled my father multiples times over the past few years, as recently as November or December, right after I first saw the Shot In the Dark documentary. I have never been able to find anything useful.
Until Today.
So I Googled my father, just for shits and giggles, and lo and behold, I not only found him, but found a photograph of him. Woah. Double Woah. I've always been told I look like my mother. I do look like my mother. And, apparently, I also look a hell of a lot like my father! It was eerie. Kinda creeped me out.
Now, out of respect for him, I will not post the photo I found here today in this blog. It's not my photo to post, and the man doesn't even know that an entire blog has been created in his honor. But you know how to type. Remember that I said he lives in Houston. (OK, fine, I said Texas, but now you know more.) And forget what I said about architecture, apparently.
Edited to Add: I should clarify that he does not work for a credit union, or Cornerstone Advisors, or a Christian school.
Until Today.
So I Googled my father, just for shits and giggles, and lo and behold, I not only found him, but found a photograph of him. Woah. Double Woah. I've always been told I look like my mother. I do look like my mother. And, apparently, I also look a hell of a lot like my father! It was eerie. Kinda creeped me out.
Now, out of respect for him, I will not post the photo I found here today in this blog. It's not my photo to post, and the man doesn't even know that an entire blog has been created in his honor. But you know how to type. Remember that I said he lives in Houston. (OK, fine, I said Texas, but now you know more.) And forget what I said about architecture, apparently.
Edited to Add: I should clarify that he does not work for a credit union, or Cornerstone Advisors, or a Christian school.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
What I Know
I was born Amy Elizabeth Thames on Wednesday, April 10, 1974 at 5:30 p.m. at Ventura County Hospital in Ventura, CA, to Frances Louise Lee and Edward Elwood Thames, both 20 years old. My father goes by Ted Thames, and is an architect living in Texas. That much I know.
What I don't know is why my parents were no longer together by the time I was born.
I don't know why my father has not been a part of my life.....for 33 years.
I don't know the Thames family, though I have met a few of them before.
I don't know my two half sisters.
I don't know my uncle and my aunt.
I don't know my cousin.
But I know that I have two half sisters, an aunt and uncle and a cousin.
I don't know if my sisters and cousin know who I am.
I don't know if certain looks my son gets that I don't recognize are really a Thames family trait that I'm oblivious to.
I don't know if finding out the answers to these questions will break my heart or help me find a sense of peace I've been missing all my life.
What I do know is that the journey must begin. Inspired by Adrian Grenier's self-directed "Shot in the Dark," an HBO film documenting the search for his estranged father, I realize now that the desire to know who you are and where you come from is more than just semantics. Who I come from is an emotional exploration that most people are blessed enough to undertake every day of their lives. My journey starts 33 years, ten months and two days late. But it's starting.
What I don't know is why my parents were no longer together by the time I was born.
I don't know why my father has not been a part of my life.....for 33 years.
I don't know the Thames family, though I have met a few of them before.
I don't know my two half sisters.
I don't know my uncle and my aunt.
I don't know my cousin.
But I know that I have two half sisters, an aunt and uncle and a cousin.
I don't know if my sisters and cousin know who I am.
I don't know if certain looks my son gets that I don't recognize are really a Thames family trait that I'm oblivious to.
I don't know if finding out the answers to these questions will break my heart or help me find a sense of peace I've been missing all my life.
What I do know is that the journey must begin. Inspired by Adrian Grenier's self-directed "Shot in the Dark," an HBO film documenting the search for his estranged father, I realize now that the desire to know who you are and where you come from is more than just semantics. Who I come from is an emotional exploration that most people are blessed enough to undertake every day of their lives. My journey starts 33 years, ten months and two days late. But it's starting.
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