....So, Now What?

So what have I done in the past week? Nothing, absolutely nothing. And it's time to take that first step, which I believe it to write a letter to my grandpa.

And this is probably a good time to include some more background information. I have, in fact, met my father before. I was 16. My mom knew where my grandparents lived and we contacted them first. They were very excited that I found them, and we met first here in St. Louis. That's when I found out my father lived in Texas, and I met him on a trip to Texas. I remember next to nothing from the meeting, and couldn't tell you two words that were said.

Not long after that, I contacted my father at work, as that was the only information he had given me. I don't remember much about the conversation, but I know I asked him to help me visit my grandparents in California. Realize that he had paid less than one year's child support for me, and I didn't think it was too much to ask him to pay for a flight to California. Apparently it was. All I remember is that he said that he did not want contact with me as long as I my mother was still raising me.

I still went to California that summer, spent a few days with my grandparents, and even met my uncle, his wife and son - my cousin. I have since maintained a sporadic writing relationship with my grandparents, mostly my grandpa. After my son was born in '06, I sent an announcement to my grandparents, and bit later, received a letter from my grandpa that my grandmother had died two years earlier. My aunt was now living at their old house, but I could still contact him at his PO Box.

I was heartbroken - first, that she was gone, never to meet her great-grandson, and second, that no one bothered to tell me. I was that insignicant in any of their lives. So it surprises me just as much as anyone else that I am here today, wanting so desperately to establish a contact with any of them. And maybe that's why I have not taken that first real step and written a letter.